When I was a kid, i was obssessed with looking at the starry night. The stars just hung there twinkling away and every night i’d find the same ones in different places. I eventually noticed they were moving across the sky nightly and back and forth in the sky over time. It was pretty cool. Not long after this, I figured out constellations and fell in love with Orion. Every night, I’d look for Orion. The stars and Orion were much like how I saw myself. Always on the move, but always the same.
I grew up in a very non-stereotypical way. Most kids I know lived in one place their entire lives. They can go back to their homes for the holidays still and they know a neighborhood they grew up in like the back of their hand. Like the stars, I moved constantly. By the time I was nine, I had lived in three States and one foreign country. Since then, I’ve lived in four additional States.
Even in situations where I should have found stability, I couldn’t find any. I lived in one house from the fifth grade until I graduated high school. During those eight years, I went to 6 different schools. A guy can’t catch a break.
Through all of this change, I learned a great deal about myself. I learned who I wanted to be and I learned how I wanted to be. Family and friends that know me could tell you that I’ve been pretty consistent in my manners, actions and moral compass for years. I found my voice early in life and took comfort in as my world changed around me.
In the way my mind works, my location in the world was similar to the movement of the stars over the course of the year. Constantly in different places and always in motion. My identity and my self-confidence was similar to the stars as an entity. Always the same, always there.
To this day, when I get out of the car at night, I look up and find the stars and constellations I loved as a kid. I still think about the movement of the stars at night while I’m driving home from a gig. I still wonder what we’d find if we could travel among the stars.
Of course, now that I’m in a place of my own that I have no plans to vacate, I can’t seem to find Orion at night. When I’m finally home for a bit, I’m going to stake out my constellation.